Deterioration of Relationships

It has been some months where I have developed positive relationships with others, based on trust, love, and true friendship - but as time develops I observe imperfections and holes in their characters, which make me want to distance myself. There was one person who I thought I could possibly have an amazing friendship with, but she completely destroyed it with her insolent and discourteous behaviour - something I honestly never expected. It was tolerable to begin with, and I really didn't mind her being such a negative and criticising being, because I never wanted to 'destroy' the friendship, but I will definitely distance myself, almost completely, from her. In the long-run, I want absolutely no friendship remaining - which is a very sad thing, because she's extremely smart and I haven't met a single person who doesn't like her, she's authentique par excellence, and circumstanciates all scenarios very decisively. Almost this 'perfect' being, but with zero-leniency. I don't have the authority to judge her character, but it's something that has been getting on my nerves and now her character is intolerable.

Throughout my life, I didn't trust anybody, because trust is a very powerful and dominant tool of control - it can be used against you, if used imprecisely and neglectfully - as it has been done in high-school, a horrible and disgusting experience I would never want to face again, an experience I can never tell. So I decided to completely stay away from people, albeit me being a very social and understanding person, but after I met a few people in my university, I made trusting relationships, and now, I almost regret them.

Ever and anon, we are faced with choices; since the desire of all human beings is (ultimately) happiness, the pursuit of this goal may be very difficult, it can be found in the most unexpected places at the most dire times. This may make a person become very tempted, and make them head towards a 'forbidden fruit' to harvest the happiness. But as with all choices, come consequences; I believed that I will finally be free, and happy, but the consequences are becoming more and more apparent, I feel more and more secluded from reality, trapped in this little box of 'friends', who I hope will one day mean nothing to me.

The return...

I have returned... after months of not updating this 'blog', I think it's about time to do so.
Developments:
-Intrapersonal and Interpersonal relationships
-Building bridges of communication, love, hope, and trust with all.
-Shifting mindsets (way too often) / Paradigm shifts
-Disciplined and an immense growth of character.

December 1st, 2007 - I have done what I believe was the hardest thing I could ever possibly do in my life, something I thought would be almost impossible. It was very dangerous, I'm still living those dangers.

I have completely lost communication with my dad, I haven't spoken to him for months - and as peculiar as it may sound, I feel indifferent. I know that there is some power I hold; I can consciously assert my authority, with regards to the scopes and limitations of life and society. Being ostracised from society my entire life always made me feel so weak and so pathetic; the lingo behind this is simple: society has never been merciful on me. Or, maybe I haven't made an effort to face it - but I grew up in a country where thinking was suppressed. Facing judgment is no problem for me, because it is too popularised and even propagated - but whatever, I don't care. Rousseau claims that humans are all born primitive and violent, and I've begun to believe it be true.